Of an Ode

This is an ode, to my very first car. A green 850 Kancil aged 7 years old.

It was never under my name, to begin with. But I did acquire the car by cash from my father. Cash I got from my first personal loan at Al-Rajhi. 8500. That's what I paid him. This was four years ago.

Then on, it was that green-mean-machine that took me across the city traffic, day-in day-out, so very loyally. One hour in the morning. One hour in the evening. Good bye inconsistent and much too stuffy LRT rides, no more troubling Mama to send me and pick me up.

Good mornings took us through Bukit Tunku greeneries and oh-so-charming abandoned government quarters, and the peak spot where i'd catch a glance of the KL's skyline. There stands proud the twin towers and KL tower. One morning before Merdeka Day celebrations, we even caught a fleet of choppers practising a routine.

On another day, we spotted a heart-shaped cloud hovering between the towers :) I was very in love then :)

Very rare did it break down. Just in my absence of care it did. Dead battery-once. Puncture tyre-never. Over heating-never. Engine-NEVER! Alhamdulilah.

It was Rena who went with me to Uncle Raymond's to get the driver seat window fixed. It went down and couldn't get up. Something to do with the spring system.

And Eve, followed when it had to be serviced. Uncle Raymond purposely left the alarm system a glitch - it had a 'twing' sound whenever the central lock was unlocked. I was ashamed of it at first, had a few laughs bout it later, and soon became accustomed. Now - I miss it.

We traveled a lot. Mostly through the potholes and in between huge trucks, lorries in Port Klang. Kak Mina came along to work when she was pregnant with Putri. Chong did too, when I started using the PWTC route. Boss even had a round with it when he had to pick his kids up from school. They loved it, saying that the dad should get one, "It's like a bumper car!"

It was with it, that we started jogging. I picked him it at his office, to go to Sg Wang to get a book for Papa. I didn't know then. Our plate numbers were opposite. WJS sure-die-rich-forever was mine, and his is 8974 (rich-forever-sure-die). The first three alphabets are the same. I told Papa this morning that I wanted to keep the number. His friend advised to get a new one, to retain the number was too much hassle. I was sad. Say- would I get another WJS to match?

The weird thing is, I never gave it a name. I never really wanted to be attached to it. I didn't even want to get the radio changed.

How bout the time my keys got stuck inside the car? At Titiwangsa, I was with Kheng, and we'd just finished the KIOKU family day. This was last year. A bus driver helped us to pick the lock with a bent wire.

Then, this year. At Suria Spices. The same thing happened. My absent mindedness kicked in. Unlock boot. Put keys on dashboard. Close boot. Keys still in dashboard. Car is locked.

What did I do?

Picked my own lock, with my own bent wire. Less than 2 minutes. Ask Kent, he saw it!

How about the time Yaz helped wash it? And the time I cleaned the mud out of the spare tyre. I even bought fabric cleaner in attempts to get the stain out of the seat.

I purposely left two things in the car:
1. Tasbih
2. Asma al-Husna cassette

These two are my most consistent routine for the past two years. Mornings. Traffic jams. Times of distraught.

I hope it reaches out.

Letting it go was more than letting IT go. It was something else. It was supposed to be my cash cow. The last straw of my investment to go abroad. If everything else didn't work, I was supposed to sell it and use the money to go to Australia. Now its with someone else, I got 1K cash. Alhamdulilah... Gaji masuk lambat bulan ni! :P

Money aside.

Is this it? Is this a sign? Am I never going to go? Or is God preparing me for something else? What can I learn from this?

Be independent! Be strong! Be TRUE to yourself! Make Mama happy! Cause she is the ONLY ONE that has ALWAYS been there for you! Remember that!

Through everything. She has never failed me. Never.

I will get my Masters Degree then my PhD, and dedicate it to her.

The fight's not over.

In the meantime, I hope my little green-mean-machine is at a better place now.

This is an ode to my first car :)

Of Cloudiness

Cloudy
My head, my feelings, my want
I'm spinning in a whirlwind
I created
Breaking free looks far away
Sad songs make my cry now
Wondering what happened to the person before
She slipped away so easily
Occupied with dependancy
Do what you know
Believe in recipes you read
Loop, loop, loop.

Of The Need to Travel!

I'm happily doing my work, and all of a sudden! Bam! I just suddenly had this URGENT need to TRAVEL! The image of New York just came so stronly across my mind! I had to write this down! New York just might be coming to me sooner than I imagine!

24 Nov 2009

Things to be happy about =)

1. Getting enough sleep
2. Catching a glimpse of a naughty squirrel in the garden
3. Hot shower on a cold morning
4. Smooth traffic
5. Nasi lemak for breakfast
6. Announcement of the arrival of a newborn nephew
7. Closing a deal!

Of Visual Boards

Hereye! Hereye! Updating new goals to achieve!

1. Travel on a hot air balloon
2. Visit Taj Mahal
3. Drive a grey, new Honda Civic 1.8
4. Do a full sized painting on canvas
5. Make a sculpture
6. Design a dress/shoe/jewellery
7. Do a headstand!
8. Write a full song with Fahimi
9. Be ambidextrous
10. Plant a tree :)

The last one-plant a tree-maybe we would do it together, next year, on Jan 3 :)

Of Being Thankful

Today,

I am grateful for;

- Abundance of time
- Buying Eve gift for her birthday
- Waking up to read SMS from Sayang saying that he loves me :)
- Good health
- Nice skin
- Motivation to play piano!

I love everyday! :)

What Do I Want

I am placing order for;

1. A brand new grey color Honda Civic!
2. My beautiful, intimate, classy wedding!
3. Gorgeous kids of my own!
4. To see the Grand Canyons!
5. To own my own double storey house in a great neighbourhood!
6. A minimum income of RM5,600.00 this year!
7. To rake in minimum RM100,000.00 for RTS!
8. To be a damn good pianist and piano teacher!
9. To perform the Hajj!
10. To sell my photography works to renowned people!

28th On 25th

Another fabulous year!

I am grateful that this year, I have someone very special celebrating my birthday with me :)

I see that next year will be better and even more special :)

Sayang was the first one to wish me happy birthday face to face, and the first one to give me a present. A Charles & Keith bag! It's black and shiny and has a beautiful red interior. It also came with a red and white polka dot ribbon on the wrapping :) of course, there was a sketch of us that came in the greeting card. I love you infinity, sayang :)

I got quite a number of presents this year, I'd say. Gucci bag from Eem and Yaz. Flowers-white roses and purple statis from Kak Pit and gang. MAC compact from Renny. Photoframe, notebook and teddy bear from guys at work. Body mist from Ennie. Cash from Mama (again! I feel so guilty) and abundance of well wishes. Mama organized lunch, where Eem cooked an Arab meal. Kak pit and family and Fahimi sayang, came over as well. We had Just Heavenly chocolate and cheese cake to finish it off. Afterwards, we watched videos from Raya in CH before sayang and I went out to catch a movie. The Ugly Truth. Chick flick, didn't quite like it.

At night, we went to Ennie's to have the triple birthday celebration. Ishida and boyfriend was there as well. We had a really great time entertaining Kiera, and she was being bashful with Sayang like most of the time! We ended the day by going jamming with Ajead and friends in Sri Gombak. Got home around 3am, and was really thankful for a superb day. Mostly because it was spent with him. I'm so in love. I don't know what else to say.

Well, I'm off to wake him up for work. Talk to you soon :)

Of Written

Hey, Come Fly With Me is on Traxx FM!

Incidentally, its my new phone ringtone, but Frankie sings mine :)

Yes, I'd like to update that recently another plan has been made a success. We pulled off Mama's 50th birthday surprise last week on the 9th of July!

It was a hectic week for us. Faheem got in earlier the week, on Monday, and we hid him at Pak Ram's for about 3 days. Party was on Thursday. Had to sneak his wife everyday by saying that she's out with Nadiah!

So on the day itself, we had Aunt Gah and Aunt Sham take Mama out for a spa day in Holiday Inn. I took half day off on that day and came home as soon as Mama got out.

Kak Pit came on in later for party decos... It was lovely in hot pink and orange.. Flowers and balloons abound! Eem and Yaz worked the kitchen, and Aleef was in charge of layout and entertainment.

Hey.. gotta sambung this later..!

Of Cooking

Another goal achieved!

Earlier this month, I've started learning how to cook from Mama.

Lesson 1 - Masak lemak cili padi ikan, ayam goreng rempah, telur bungkus, sayur peria goreng.

Much to my bashfulness, Mama gave it compliments. Except for the sayur, though.. it was a bit dry and undercooked. Other than that, it was ok. Even got complimented on the rice! Haha. But, everything was pre-prepared, as in, the ingredients were already laid out and chopped by Mama. The chicken was already marinated. I still have to get my hands on the recipe.

Lesson 2 - Masak kicap cili padi ikan, sayur campur goreng

Interrupted by a chatty (otherwise supposed to be helpful) s-i-law. Didn't turn out so nice this time around.

Fish was undercooked. Kicap sauce a bit salty. Sayur sawi was not cut properly. Too much oyster sauce - salty as well. Luckily fried some ikan masin, and there was some left over sambal tumis sotong from the night before.

Lesson 3 - Trifle

Mama came to rescue the last bit of thickening the custard.

It was a near disaster, coz my love was coming to pick me up to go to Arif's birthday kenduri. The jelly was mixed with hot water too early, it was hardened before i could pour it over the fruits. Had to put it back in the microwave.

The second bowl's jelly lack hot water, causing the jelly texture to be rough.

However, all in all - Yaz liked it. So did his family, the brother even texted to say that they were all enjoying the 'pudding'. Big smiles!

Looking forward to more dishes this weekend. Next goal - curry and sambal tumis!

And, baking a cake :p

Of Nowness

Hey, my last update.. was actually written about a week or two ago.. but I only managed to post it today.

I'm at KJ office, boss has gone back, he's sick and the rest of us are doing our own things. No one is actually 'working'. Probably we haven't gotten our gears kicked in yet.

Yesterday we went for Epul and Fid's wedding. Everyone was expecting us to go next. Funny, but nice funny. We hadn't argued for about two weeks (and I don't wanna jinx but saying it) but it's all good. Last night, he suggested we open a joint account by early next month. We're so into each other. Six months official now, almost one year unofficial :)

Six months of cutting his nails for him :)

His good friend had a chat with me in the car yesterday as well, about tying the knot soon. I guess I took it as a compliment when he said that it looks like I'm the most suited one compared to the rest he's met before.

I've learnt how to cook a bit the past month (finally!). Two weeks ago was masak lemak cili padi ikan, ayam goreng rempah, telur bungkus and sauteed peria. But, it was mama who prepared the ingredients. Last weekend, was fully me - fish in soy sauce cili padi and sawi in oyster sauce. It was all salty! But mama was kind enough to say that it was quite tasty haha. I'll try again this weekend. I'm smiling. I wanna cook for him. Like, until we're old and weary.

I've unofficially stopped smoking. It's been about a month plus since I stopped smoking during office hours. About a month since I bought cigarettes. About two weeks without a full stick. The only time I smoke, or rather take one, two puffs is when I'm with him. Other than that, nada, nil. No more cigarette smells in my room.

Ramadhan's engaged. He's getting married in October. Oddly, the person I was rushing to tell was Illyaz. Beats me.

MARA approved my loan. But letter offer was sent to DU address in March. I found about it in April. They're reviewing my appeal. Regardless, I'm leaving it be first. I will apply again. Next year. This year is dedicated to this start up. rts.

I've been doing yoga the past week. I feel happier.

I am truly blessed. With my family, with him, with my colleagues, with my friends.

It's all good.

Of Catching Up

Its 28th May 2009.



Three months ago was my last update.



It's almost half year gone.



I'm at our new office. In Kelana Jaya. Alone. They have gone to Johor for our device testing. Tomorrow will be my turn. Going up north to Penang.



Have not been so happy lately, mostly self-inflicted. Have argued with him, several times now. Almost at least once, every week. Not liking it. Have cried more than once.



I shouldn't be posting that up.



Slowly, trying to attract good things. Great things. Like the fact that, he truly loves me. Like the fact that, he kisses me everytime he gets the chance to. Like the fact that, earlier this week he took me to the clinic, coz I've been having tummy aches and the doctor diagnosed it as a minor urine infection. Like the fact that, in an interview with a magazine, he was the only one in the band who admitted to having someone special, and plans to marry in four years. And, after the clinic visit, he sketched us, yet again, and he sketched OUR home for the first time.



Ramadhan's engaged. Last week. Getting married in October. Funny. I was itching to tell Illyaz the news.



Maybe these past few months that I haven't blogged, all emotions are clogged. Making me uneasy.



He calls me every night before I go to sleep, and (speak of the devil, he's calling now1!) I call hiim every morning to wake him up.

Of Letting Go

I finally tendered my resignation. On 3 Feb ago.

Was expecting a rush of relief but I didn't come. Apparently, The Director accepted it with open arms. He texted to the Admin manager, 'Ok, accepted'. Two words. I didn't know how I felt. But was unexpectedly quite saddened. Why? Strange. Thank God for my pillars of support - the two girls immediately congratulated me. It was something I had been wanting to do for a long time.

The past three weeks have been dramatical. Emails flying here and there, full with rhymes of sarcasm. Of course, these were sniggered by the Coup d'Etat Team. Haha. The past few days, I got a change of view. I'm probably gonna miss The Director. For his funny being. Like I shared with everyone - he's so entertaining!

Yesterday. Was what I would classify as a really special day.

1. We were all bombarded, rushing to complete software requirement list for David. Rushing to complete items for local authority company registration. It was a tight day for these three girls.

2. Southie came to visit me at the office. Came with two others. Took me out for lunch. Thanked and congratulated me for the tasks I was assigned to during the project. He's going away too. To Africa. Starting a port there. I so look up to him. It was typical of him to be nice. I'm not sure whether there was anything in between the lines. But he did ask whether I was leaving to tie the knot. Is that a hint? I added him on fb.

3. Sent my farewell email. After months of keeping a draft. Received so many (unexpectedly) good replies! Everyone is supportive and kind (again, unexpected). Even got a job offer from OUM!

4. Had dinner with Mi Amor in Rasa Sayang. Did I share that we have been snogging?? Cheeky.

5. Ramadhan came to the house. Finally - after 10 years - he has found someone!! I am SO happy, I was jumping up and down when I told Mama. And I hugged Aleef. And I texted Renny and Kak Pit and my Love of the news. He's so in love with her. Now this, was a total relief. He actually read out messages from his phone of the things they went through together, told me every single detail of his outings with her which took from 10pm - 12 mnite! He came to seek for advice, coz they're going through a patch now. I just couldn't believe that we actually had a decent conversation as friends, after such a long time. Alhamdulilah. I still feel that he hasn't changed much, I told my Sayang, that speaking to Ramadhan felt like speaking to a 17-year old. I feel so much older! Sayang, of course, backed him up, saying that's because he's in love - hence, he's acting like a teenager. Sayang is too nice. He makes me laugh. All the time. He makes me think. Makes me creative. Makes me wanna write music again. And work harder. And appreciate life better. He calls me Jiwa Raga. So Melayu. So sweet.

Oh, Ramadhan says, he's got an aunt with sixth sense? He goes to her for relationship advice. Okay. He said that she said - I (me) am a career woman. Wow. I was brimming like a clam! Maybe this setting up is right on track anyway!

I am at the office. Alone again. But loving it. I'm still replying emails from my liaisons who are shocked with news of departure. I feel like a fan club email post. Haha. Nazery Mima wants to take me out for lunch next Monday. So does KTB. I feel loved. I am smiling.

Have been telling everyone I'm leaving to pursue my studies. Let us surprise them again in the next few weeks :)

We are planning a getaway weekend next week. I pray for His blessings. I pray that He hears our prayers. To be with each other. For always. I'm getting goosebumps.

Of Changes

Typical. So many changes. Tradition of life? Greatness.

1. I am no longer single, ie: dating :)

2. My younger brother is getting married.

3. My best friend delivered a baby girl yesterday.

4. I am quitting my job and starting my own company.

It's CNY hols and the whole team is on leave. I'm all by myself here at this department.

Let pictures speak for themselves.

She's adorable. So like the mum!

Was scouting for lil brother's wedding invites and stumbled into some that I'd like for mine :)

Mama is all excited with the wedding preparations. Apparently, she can't wait to get started on mine. I haven't told him yet. But he's met all my aunties last weekend. And last weekend too, we went of for a day to Melaka to go on EOM.

These few days have been a mix of feelings. I'm starting to get to the "unsure" stage. I have been praying lightly and been feeling a bit quesy. I need to jog. I need to run. Run.

I want him to want me but I don't. Confusing, kan?

Haven't been counting my blessings for a long time. But he's always on the list, anyway. And so is Mama.

I wrote two songs this past week. One for him and for Eem's wedding.

It will take me a long time before he gets to hear my song for him.

He's such a good singer. He already sang a song for me.

Of Newness

Today's Monday, 5th of January 2009.

I'm at home, on the dining table, attempting to complete several documentations for work.

I'm not at the office. Hehe. New year fell on a Thursday last week, so I took off on Friday and today. Have not touched the office grounds for 5 days. What a record.

Wow. Just thinking of what to write gets me overwhelmed.

Mir and Syikin were officially man and wife on the eve of 31 Dec. The very lovely garden wedding was on 3rd Jan where both Renny and I were the MC.

Yesterday, Eem called from London to tell that he'll be tying the knot before the month ends. We'll be welcoming Yazmin into the family soon.

1st Jan 2009
00:00 hrs - Renny and I driving home back from Syikin's on LDP, we encountered fireworks display from both The Curve and One Utama.

01:00 hrs - He came to the house to hang out.

10:30 hrs - He picked us up to for a very early karaoke session at The Curve. Had late lunch together at home. Sent Renny back to get her car. Had pizza for dinner. DVD session - The Duchess. He left around 2:00 am. Spent the whole day together. Sigh.

2nd Jan 2009
My spring cleaning day :)

Went to Ikea together with Renny and Amir.

That night through the phone, he said he wanted me to be his girl. And I said, okay. Haha. Very juvenile. But we like it.

3rd Jan 2009
Morning rehearsal for Mir's wedding in KGPA.

Night time wedding.

He came over and we escorted Renny back home. Then, we went for a drink in Aman Suria before heading home. This was already late night around 1 or 2 am. We were at home when he again asked me to be his girl - forever. And he said that he hoped that this will be his last relationship, that there was no other woman like me. And he asked to hold my hand. And he held it and kissed it. Then, he kissed my forehead. He was the sweetest being then. We went off to sleep at about 5:00 am after about another hour on the phone.

4th Jan 2009
10:30 hrs - We had breakfast. He pulled my chair closer to his. He held my hand all through our nasi lemak brekkie. He touched my hair and my head in the car. And he looked at my fingers, how it was alike with his. And asked how should he buy the ring for me.

20:30 hrs - He came to the house from his tv programme shoot. Went for dinner in Secret Recipe in Tropicana. Afterwards, it was Bedtime Stories in One Utama. The first time we hugged. It was all very dreamy. I was still thinking about it this morning. After he sent me home, and I called him on the phone, he asked to call my his sayang. And I said ok. I'm falling for this guy. And he's falling for me. OMG, when we had supper in Old Town in Aman Suria. Guess what song was playing? We Could Be In Love - but in Chinese. Haha. Coincidence?

This morning, he woke me up with this SMS:
Morning awak =). Syg awak. MY.

Ahh.. I've been thinking about him the whole day. It's crazy. Lovely crazy.

And I've been thinking about the excerpt from Dina Zaman, about keeping your inner most desires a secret. He was my secret for a long time. I won't tell him, not unless we really tied the knot. Whatever it is, now, I feel like I sayang him. Coz he sayang me. And we're both a bit giddy these few days. These lovely, lovely, lovely few days.

Will update more. Gotta get back attempting to do work.

xoxo