Of (Confusing) Cycles

3 Nov 2008, 4:03 pm, HC Office

Now I better time stamp my blogs cause of the tendency to leave my updates halfway and continue it months after I start it.

Anyways, today has been a not-so-up-there day. I feel a bit bloated, although my menses are through. I feel a bit fatter, although everyone's been saying I've shrunken skinny. I feel a bit sad, although I'm over the moon with yes, the yet the unsaid name. I feel a bit disoriented, although I'm doing my bestest to emit focused energy. What am I doing un-right?

I've been smoking a lot, an average of 5 times a day at the office. Almost double up from my usual schedule. Feeling a bit out of breath and tired. Probably caused we've cut down jogging sessions to only once a week. I gotta jog tonight. I have to. Have to!

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things
When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sadI simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad.

I remember practising cursive handwriting in primary school with the lyrics above. And I've always wondered why we watched Sound of Music repeatedly instead of other movies. It was the VHS era, and there were loads of other movies we could have watched. Instead, it was Julie Andrews over and over, thanks to our beloved Mak :)

And this morning, I had in my head that Lea Salonga song with that Brad-something-fella..And yes, I was singing out loud in the car! Wait, let me google up the lyrics a while..

Haa.. Brad Kane.. It's called, 'We Could Be In Love'

(G. Burtnick/S. Peiken)
Lea:Be still my heart
Lately its mind is on it's own
It would go far and wide
Just to be near you

Brad:Even the stars
Shine a bit bright I've noticed
When you're close to me

Lea: Still it remains a mystery

Chorus (Both):Anyone who seen us
Knows what's going on between us
It doesn't take a genius
To read between the lines

Brad: ohhAnd it's not just wishful thinking
Or only me who's dreaming
I know what these are symptoms of
We could be in love

Lea:I ask myself why
I sleep like a baby through the night
Maybe it helps to know
you'll be there tomorrow

Brad: Lea:Don't open my eyes Ohhh
I'll wake from the spell I'm under
Makes me wonder how
Tell me how
I could live without you now

Both:And what about the laughter
The happy ever after
Like voices of sweet angels
Calling out our names
And it's not just wishful thinking
Or only me who's dreaming
I know what these are symptoms of
We could be in love

Brad:All my lifeI have dreamed of this
But I could not see your face

Lea:Don't ask why two such distant stars
Can fall right into place

(Repeat Chorus)

Both: Oh, it doesn't take a genius
To know what these are symptoms of
We could be

Lea: ohh
We could be, we could be in love
Brad:Could be in
Both:We could be in love

I like!

Crushy mushy so what. It doesn't happen so frequently and I've been single forever. Don't ask why, but I have. Did a little dating, with the most unusual characters, and left it all hanging in the middle. And this time around, it almost seems right. But the past few days, doubts have slowly wrapped itself around my thoughts. So typical of me. Still, it did not deter me from leading him on. Is this a symptom of me enjoying being unfaithful? I know I'm so damn loyal, well, I did the cheating shit earlier in life, and I've never done it anymore. Or do I really enjoy being unattached? Then, how come it makes me sick to know everyone else is attached? Void, won't you answer me once a while?

I've got a lot of work to catch up with, and I've got it all strategised and I just can't execute. And he's probably so deep into work that I almost envy it.

Yesterday we were on the phone almost an hour before I went to bed. Talking about nothing. Isn't that what these things are all about. Sharing something out of nothing. Wait a minute. Am I complaining about a blessing God has bestowed me? Have I left praying behind for much too long? What is the matter with me today??

Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. The cycle is vicious.

But the only way to go when you're down is UP. So be. UP. UP. UP.

And, love, love, love :)

What I don't like, I'm gonna be cruel but honest...
- not so good English
- height
- skin
- family background
- culinary preference
- music preference
- the ngada2 wannabe
- sometimes i feel he's trying too hard?
- his friends network

What I loike... :)
- his occupation(s)
- dedication to work
- ambition(s)
- movie preference
- funniness
- a look-alike
- he sed loike :)
- multi-talentedness
- imitation capability!
- he's already got me two gifts so far, haha!
- 10K and further distances in years to come, perhaps
- other hobbies - photography, ID, outdoor activities

Hmm.. so early and yet so much too say already? I wonder what he makes of me? But, would it be too much if I wanted to ask for THE Perfect Person to share the rest of my life with? A lot of people say, you CAN'T ask for perfect, you settle with your best bet. Nobody's perfect. Is this so true?? Is this so not?? Void, won't you answer me, please.

What if all my flaws were perfect for him? I know his flaws, and it seems that its not perfect for me. Will there be anyone's flaws that would be perfect? For me? And vice versa?

And the cycle is confusing.

And I spread love.

And I emit positive energy.
And I am (forced to) smiling.

And I am happy with all my blessings. I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. Ohhmmmmmm...